im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
