I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
