youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
