I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
