this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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