So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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