Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
