I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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