dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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