I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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