His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
