I want to walk on stilts...naked
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
