did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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