If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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