I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
