yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
