in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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