I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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