I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
