I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
