I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
