I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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