I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
