quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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