I feel great
I just peed on a car
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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