mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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