im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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