I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
