It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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