Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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