Apparently you make a good broom.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
