she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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