I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
