Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
