Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
