I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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