Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
