i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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