Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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