The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
