she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
