So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
