we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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