Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
