I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
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Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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