my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
