My Higher Power is John Stamos
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
whose parrot is this?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am naked and annoyed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
