Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize