my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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