Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
