I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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