Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
