i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
