How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
