who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
