you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
