I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
tell me about the eggs
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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