I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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