Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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