Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
