is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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