just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
