Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize