WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
