Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
