Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
