oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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