i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
