so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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