Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
