so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
