someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
